Kia ora Lucas, Well done on writing such a fantastic story about the image provided. You have come up with an awesome concept of witches brewing spells under the sea, and I really like how creative and imaginative you have been with your ideas. Writing a story full of adjectives and adverbs is so important because it is the details within a story which help capture the audience. Think about these two sentences; ‘I sat down outside and ate my lunch’ and ‘I sat down on the luscious, green grass outside and ate my peanut butter sandwich for lunch’. Which one would you rather read? The first sentence sounds a little boring, but with a few extra words added in it was easily transformed into a way more exciting and enticing sentence. You have done a great job with your writing, however you haven’t included a lot of description. It would be amazing if you could edit this blogpost and go through your writing, adding in some form of description into each sentence. You mentioned in your post how the witch turned all of the humans into fish. How do you think it would feel to be turned into a fish? Do you think the fish remember they were humans? How long have they been fishes for, and will the witch ever turn them back? It would be awesome if you could reply to this comment and let me know! Nga mihi
Kia ora Lucas,
ReplyDeleteWell done on writing such a fantastic story about the image provided. You have come up with an awesome concept of witches brewing spells under the sea, and I really like how creative and imaginative you have been with your ideas.
Writing a story full of adjectives and adverbs is so important because it is the details within a story which help capture the audience.
Think about these two sentences; ‘I sat down outside and ate my lunch’ and ‘I sat down on the luscious, green grass outside and ate my peanut butter sandwich for lunch’.
Which one would you rather read?
The first sentence sounds a little boring, but with a few extra words added in it was easily transformed into a way more exciting and enticing sentence.
You have done a great job with your writing, however you haven’t included a lot of description. It would be amazing if you could edit this blogpost and go through your writing, adding in some form of description into each sentence.
You mentioned in your post how the witch turned all of the humans into fish. How do you think it would feel to be turned into a fish?
Do you think the fish remember they were humans?
How long have they been fishes for, and will the witch ever turn them back?
It would be awesome if you could reply to this comment and let me know!
Nga mihi
I love your descriptive writing Luke. I love stories about fairy tales and witches love aunty sponge
ReplyDelete